So should I call this the summer of balance? Since that’s what I feel like I keep thinking about and therefore writing about. It would be nice to think it eventually gets better and finding balance comes more easily but I’m not so sure since there are so many things to strike a balance between.
- Between pushing myself and accepting that some things may not get done
- Between cooking everything from scratch and not exhausting myself
- Between wanting to achieve and being kind to myself
- Between my work life and my home life
I could go on. But the point is I’m not sure it will ever get easy. I may always be an over-thinker who wants to do everything and do it well who is trapped in a body with an auto-immune disorder. So I may always have to use some self-talk to remind myself it is OK to slow down; That if not everything gets done perfectly life can still go on happily.
Which is why when E asked if she could help me make dessert tonight instead of listing all the things I needed to do first I said “Sure. Help me clean the kitchen and then we can do it.”
I had been eyeing Kathy from Happy Healthy Life/The Lunchbox Bunch’s Peanut Butter Chocolate Crispy Bars all day and knew that’s what I wanted to make. I did make a few changes though.
- Instead of crispy rice I used puffed millet
- Instead of peanut butter I used soy nut butter
- Instead of dark chocolate I used vegan semi-sweet
E did a lot of the mixing for me and pressed them into the pan. Now typically I would have cropped this picture better but I wanted you to see that there are, in fact, dirty dishes in my sink. The dishwasher was going but there were still things that didn’t fit. I could have used all my energy to deal with that but instead I chose to watch these 2 do this:
While the bars chilled I went to my usual position which is on my laptop. T asked “Mom? Do you want to play Upwords?”
There was lots of giggling involved. E was going through hundreds of songs on Mark’s laptop to decide what she wanted on her ipod while we played. I may or may not have gotten up and danced to Laurie Berkner’s song “Victor Vito.” No pictures no proof!
So tonight I chose balance. I had a blast and enjoyed being with my kids. I wish I could say I am “cured” and I will always choose fun and family over “getting things done” but I’m not that naive. Baby steps towards health in all areas of my life.